Thursday, November 20, 2003
God damnit...i hate my life. My mom hates Amanda now, and agrees with her mom...I think I have to too. She has changed, and I hate how she acts. Shes two-faced when talking to Reed and probably nearly half of the time shes been here shes been on the phone with him...and a few seconds ago she got off the phone with Mae Lin who called here. How she got my number is beyond me. My mom wont let me go down the shore now to be with her and reed and tom...im so fucking pissed off. I want to hang out with all the guys, especially Tom...but now my life sux and it always does. I hate it and I sometimes wish it never began. Please tell me why im so hated by God that im punished like this? Im fat, ugly, and alone. And ill always be all three...
we are leaving tomorrow morning, sleeping over the Vaught's house, then going up to NJ..ill be back on Sunday the...29th....I need Toby...i need a friend.
[crying til tomorrow's bring]*
Posted at 06:54 pm by haflinger
Saturday, November 15, 2003
[::Musiq»Good night's sleep»The starting Line CD::]
agh...loud noise...drilling inside of head. Not really, into the wall to my right Sal is drilling the wall. Tomorrow Amanda's comin...thats 4 hours on the road round trip not to add the time we spend in the airport. ATL [Atlanta Int'l Airport] is like the 3rd largest in the world...so its easy to get lost. I think im becoming anorexic...really. I hardly eat, if I do its because my mom gets take out like today I picked at shrimp-n-brocolli from this chinese place. I almost finished all the shrimp before I became full. I dont eat before 11 am and not after 6 pm so like right now im not eating at all for the rest of the night.
I did the advance and intermediate tapes of the ab-doer. Im really upset tho, last night and this morning I fit into my jeans, and this morning I managed to button AND zip it up but it was still a bit tight, now they dont even button. Im scared im going to have to force myself to throw up eventually...i have twice within the last year or so. But its not like a daily routine I cant stop, i just want to reach my goal. If you know me you know im a very determined person, and ill do whatever it takes to get there except push people aside. I also hope i dont stop eating all together.
Im going to go call amanda, she just told me she got $100 for GA...im gonna beg her to buy me pants from Hot Topic as a Hanukah gift.
Love ya ;-*
Posted at 07:09 pm by haflinger
Friday, November 14, 2003
The day after tomorrow...
Heh...the day after tomorrow ill be on my way to Atlanta airport [or ATL] to pick up amanda. Her flight departs at 11 something AM then gets here at 1 something PM. So ill be on the road there probably right before she takes off as scheduled. Yeah, Atlanta [the capital of Georgia stupid] is almost 2 hours away from Columbus, and now we are down here, about 30 minutes extra, [Ft. Benning] so who the hell knows how long itll take. Im going with my mom, Sal and Ben will be at a Cubscout thing. Theeeen Sal is leaving on Monday to go to Ft. Knox until Thurs., the day before we leave for NJ. On Thursday ill explain everything thats gonna happen during the week...god i need a planner for everything Im doing that week I swear. All I know as of now is that when we get there on Saturday im sleeping over amandas with Elise, then we are being dragged to church [amanda doesnt have to go to the service cause of me...she owes me one] then we go back to her house and hang out with Reed, Tom, and Joe and all the idiots that live there, i get picked up later at night by my grandparents and go back up to Cranford, then on Monday Kat has a half day and I really want to go back to FMG for a day--er--half day. Then the rest of the day ill hang out with her. Theeeeen Tuesday im sleeping over amandas again and so forth. i have no idea what the hell im doing , seriously. Lets just hope I can go to FMG, that they'll let me. Gah...im going to sleep now, its 10 to 11. Im tired...not like anything eventful happens in my life. I just noticed i havent put ANYTHING in my mouth except water since 1:15 pm...dont ask how I remember that. My abs are coming along nicely...;D. They are gettin harder. My goal is to get a belly button ring by next summer if I dont get it done at Kingsmont. I swear my mom will let me do anything in that manner [except a tattoo of course] so if im flat enough before camp ill get it done and show off to yall at my beloved Kingsmont...haha. Amanda wants to get hers done too now, she said probably next summer. Shes flat enough already, i dont know what shes waiting for. I think shes scared of the pain...eh, what do I know. All i know is that ive ALWAYS wanted one, Margaret who had gotten one at 13 years old [and hid it from her mother for like 2-3 years or maybe to this day...]. My mom got one too but removed it due to infection. Agh...its 11. Im watchign A Bugs Life...im gonna go now. BLAH AMANDAS CALLING! Uggghh....ttyl.
amanda-BF4L/LHLAS. From NJ.
Sal-stepfather, Major in the Army
Ben-my idiotic 8 y,o, bro
Elise-F4L. From NJ.
Tom-hottie that amanda used to be in love with, but now they both hate each other.
Joe-Another imbocel from Tinton Falls. Shows off quite alot. Was the first dirtbiker we met besides Tom.
Kat-BFF from 5th grade. We went thru alot, F4L!
Margaret-neighbor, 4th child, and babysitter. [Jesse was the 3rd child, meaning they went everywhere and was with us all the time]
Posted at 11:13 pm by haflinger
Thursday, November 13, 2003
Lets seee...hmm...well all day I was on the computer in the sun room/workout room and i couldnt access this site. It sux because i cant listen to music on this computer [in my room] and my stereo has been skitzofrenic lately so I dont even bother. I cant believe Amanda's [Swall, not Bateman] away message.
Auto response from LittleMissAngel0: "goin downstairs to get ... chips..icecream..a hotdog.. cheese burger..philly cheese steak...peanut butter.. macaronni and cheese.. a grilled cheese..cereal..cookies..pasta..chicken..candy..soda..root beer float..koolaid..do u get it...im eatting....cuz thats what fat Amandas...do best!"
She was the smallest one in our div for crying out loud! All of her jeans are either a size 0 or 1, only one pair being a 2 [it was Mudd, what do you expect?]. She had a two pack even, starting to get a four pack. I hate it how skinny girls think they are so fat. They should look at me and see what fat really is.
Anywho this is all the crap I need for the stupid SAR-X on Saturday:
- full BDU uniform [camoflauge]
- an enthusiastic attitude [hah! yea right. Wake me up at 7am on a sat. ill show you enthusiastic...]
- Day Pack
- safety goggles
- latex gloves
- orange vest [yea i need to be a glow in the dark light stick...]
- 2 canteens [um, no. ill take one canteen and my camelback thank you very much]
- insect repellent
- first aid kit
- work gloves
- lighter or matches [yes they want us to burn up the glow in the dark people]
- small tea candle [what the hell?!]
- compass [not like I know how to actually use one]
- 2 garbage bags [yeessssh...to put the dead bodies in of course! oh...wait. You werent supposed to know that...]
- Ziplock bag of: pen,notepad,toliet paper. [er....um...im not going to go to the bathroom in front of all the guys...no thank you.]
I mean...come on. its an EXERCISE. We dont ned all that crap and one of the things we need to do is unload everything and put everything bac k in...ugh. Lets just hope im not stuck on Lt. Storm's ground team. I would like to be on his team, not Maj. Cardona, but Craig is on Storm's so forget it....but so is Baker and Baker is cool. And if I go on Cardona's team Ghettings wont stop talking to me..ugh Idk. I need to do all this crap too.
Task 0201 Use a compass
Task 0301 Determine distress beacon bearing
Task 0302 Locate a distress beacon
Task 0303 Deactivate a distress beacon
Task 0304 Triangulate on a distress beacon
Task 0404 Move as part of a search line
Task 0405 Communicate to other members of a search line.
Task 0406 Use whistle signals
Task 0702 Use a signal mirror
Task 0801 Man a surveillance post
Im so going to fail this. Oh well. This squadron cant be like this. Just because the commander and the commanders son who just so happens to be the first and flight sargent enjoy SAR the squadron itself cannot be evolved around only that. Not everyone wants to stay in the woods for 5 days looking for a falsely alarmed ELT [electronic location transmitter? Dont remember. Better then what amanda just said: emergency lie tracker] in some old lady's backyard in her husbands fishing boat that he accidently backed up into a tree and both of them did have their hearing aids on so they couldnt hear it--ok im stopping now before I keep going and going and going like the energizer booneh. Um...so yeah.
Oh yea, if you heard about Toby my mom talked to his owner last weekend, and she is willing to hold onto him until we get a stall. My mom called the stables and they said the longest we'd have to wait would be until spring, if not sooner. Alot of people are moving out between January-June so we never know. Im going to go take a shower...my new shampoo, Thermasilk, is giving my hair its extraordinary volume again [if you didnt know my hair is REALLY thick by nature, but then with the stress from the move and I used a bad shampoo, it became pretty thin]. Some neighbor is downstairs with my parental units...gah.
Posted at 05:37 pm by haflinger
Wednesday, November 12, 2003
Howday yall. Just made this...I actually like it so it may stay for a while. Anywho Amanda's at CAP...she kept saying 'screw it im not goin' all day today and yesterday but of course she went just like I knew she would. Not surprising. Didnt go to CAP yesterday, Sal was eaten alive by those damn fire ants all over this damn state in this damn southern region. I hate being an armybratt. So he couldnt drive and he called to find out whats going on and it was all boring i suppose. Saturday is a SAREX...if you dont know what that is its Search and Rescue Exercise. I personally know it as SAR-X which is correct but down herr' in the south they dont know shit so I just go with the flow with the 36th smartest state in the US of A. Atleast NJ was the 5th smartest...not that I knew too many bright people but here I know MUCH less. Look at Katie! Shes such a blonde its not even funny. Haha, sorry for crackin on you Katie.
But anyway i keep getting off subject. Sal wants me to go and itll be easier to make the day pass by until the next daywhen AMANDA COMES TO TOWN! HELL YEAH BABY! Then the following Saturday ill be back in my homestate! FUCK YEA! Er...yeah....anyway um ive got to look up breeders in NJ, my mom wants another St. Bernard.
Posted at 08:39 pm by haflinger